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“Boy, look what you done to your mama!” While Mama stood there sobbing, Daddy stomped towards me and grabbed a fistful of my shirt, yanking me towards him. “You and me gonna go spend some time in the shed,” he spat in my face. But, I wasn’t a little boy anymore. I twisted his hand away and stood my ground, but my feet struggled not to run.”Daddy, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m quite a bit bigger than you now and I ain’t going to the woodshed ever again.” I put my palm on his chest and gave him a decent shove back a foot or two. “Boy, I don’t know who you think you’re talkin’ to!” he growled, yanking me again, jerking me within an inch from his face.  I grabbed his wrists, twisting in my shirt again. “You better stop, Daddy, before I hurt you more than your stubborn pride!”I’d never seen his face scrunch up in rage like that before, but I was determined to stand up to him. Using both hands and my shoulder, I shoved him back, and then things quickly spun out of control. We knocked over a chair pushing and shoving and Mama ran to us screaming, “Stop! Stop, you two!”Neither of us wanted to hurt her and managed to pull back, huffing and puffing. I stood there looking back and forth between them, shaking my head in frustration. I had lived my whole life with them, but now … Daddy threatened me through gritted teeth. “No boy of mine’s gonna…”He couldn’t even finish saying it and looked away from me in disgust. “Oh dear Lord, where did we go wrong?” Mama clasped her hands, wringing them together in sorrow. She stared up at the kitchen ceiling (where God apparently lived) and sobbed uncontrollably. Then, she looked at me with true pain in her eyes. “Nathan, it’s just not right. The Bible-“”The Bible says not to judge, Mama. God loves all his children.”Mama fixated on the ceiling again, praying out loud for the Lord to save my soul. Not a lot of things had hurt me like that did. With tears clouding my eyes, I said, “Mama, if you wanna talk to God, well, he’s right here beside me, Büyükçekmece escort bayan so no use you looking up right now.”Daddy took a step forward making a fist. “Boy-“I blocked him with a chair. “Y’all aren’t listening!” I pushed past Daddy and turned at the door to make them a promise. “I’m not coming back until y’all accept me – all of me!”With a heavy heart, I let the door to everything I had known slam shut behind me.xxXxxThat summed up my parents. Mama thought God was the answer; Daddy thought it was a whoopin’ in the woodshed.After my fight with Mama and Daddy, I climbed up into my Ford pickup and started driving with nowhere in mind. The good thing about the country is there are plenty of back roads to drive and think. No stoplights out here to interrupt my thoughts. Before I knew it, I had driven miles from home. I finally pulled off to the side of the road, overlooking a pond. Jesus, how did things get to this?I thought back to my childhood. Being raised on a farm was great. Smiling through my tears now, I remembered loving taking care of the animals, riding the tractor with Daddy, having a field to run free. Me and some other farm kids spent our summers frog gigging, fishing, and climbing trees. I never thought about life any other way. Most families went to the Baptist Church down the road on Sundays. I loved church cause it meant no farm work that day. When the weather was nice, our church had lots of picnics and games. Yeah, I enjoyed my childhood on the farm. Of that I was sure.Everything was fine until it was time to go to high school. In ways I could never have predicted, my eyes were opened to the rest of the world – and I wanted to know more. As a small farming community, we didn’t have a high school, so I attended the school in the city. Boy, did I feel like a fish outta water. Just a handful of us farm kids were new students, as most of the other city kids had come up the ranks together. Luckily, I found football Escort Çatalca and that secured me a place in the school. Turned out, I was a natural. Raised on farm chores like bailing hay, shoveling manure, and such had made me strong – strong like I mowed over other guys on the football field without too much effort. After a few practices, Coach plucked me out of the Freshman team for Varsity backup nose guard.Things went pretty well until my junior year. After some sleepovers with other kids, I learned about this whole other world outside of the farm. I hadn’t watched much television as a kid. Up before dawn doing chores, school, chores after school, dinner, then to bed early had been my life. Television, particularly, cable, educated me on many things. The appeal of the farm was going out the window, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a farmer like Daddy.Then, there came girls. And I had no interest in them. None. We were friends, but I had no urge to kiss them. I didn’t think much about it until I saw my first sex scenes on cable tv at a friend’s house. He was drooling over the girl and I couldn’t rip my eyeballs from the guy. It was then I knew I was different. And I didn’t know a lot of things about life, but I knew it wasn’t alright to most people for me to like guys. Somehow though, I hoped Mama and Daddy loved me enough it wouldn’t matter.  It was hard keeping that secret, so one day, I decided to test the waters with Mama. Looking back, I think I was pretty clever in my approach. I figured Mama would get the words confused, and wanted to see her reaction. But, I had an out, if it didn’t go over well. I walked into the kitchen where Mama was busy cooking and took a seat a the table. “Mama, I kinda need to talk to you.” My serious tone caught her attention. I purposely stalled, frowning, like I had really bad news. “What is it?” Her eyes widened as panic set it. “You in trouble? Get some girl in trouble? I told you girls-“”Mama! No! Esenler escort Nobody’s in trouble. Just listen, okay?”She sucked in a loud breath and stopped stirring in her pot. Her knuckles turned white clasping the cross always hanging around her neck. “I’m listening.””I … well … I … I’m a homo sapien.”Without missing a beat, she shrieked, “Nooooo! Oh my sweet Jesus, no!””I am, Mama.””But … but … you play football!” Her head shook back and forth in distress.Daddy turned the corner, looked at Mama’s commotion, and grumbled at us. “What’s all this hollering about, Carol?””He’s … he’s …” She pointed her finger at me. “A homo sapien!” I looked at Daddy and smirked. “I don’t know why she’s so upset about that, Daddy.””Carol! A homo sapien is a human being!”Mama shook her head in confusion. “You mean … you mean … you aren’t you know … ?”I laughed, but carefully avoided directly answering her. “As I said, Mama, I’m a homo sapien.”Daddy slapped me hard upside my head, “Boy, why you go confusing your Mama like that? That ain’t funny.”I smiled, “Sorry, Mama, just teasin’ with ya.”Mama said a quick, “Thank you, Lord,” while Daddy shot me a warning look. “We better not have any queers in this house!”And with that threat, I got up from the table and headed outside to mow. It was a successful test, showing me I can’t ever – and I mean ever – tell my parents I am gay. So, after that fun time, I carried on the rest of the year trying my best to pretend I wasn’t gay. It worked – for a while. My senior year, my feelings towards other guys came raging back during football season. Maybe it was all the naked, sweaty bodies in the locker room or maybe it was all the touching and tackling on the field. Not sure. But, I knew I couldn’t be gay at my school. Worrying constantly about hiding my feelings made me miserable. Ever try to crawl outta your own skin? You can’t … and it sucks.After Christmas break, football spring training started. Some seniors always helped the younger classes. I was one who volunteered. Surprisingly, Coach brought in a real conditioning coach this year. He thought our stamina wasn’t what it should have been last season. As soon as I saw him, I knew I was in trouble. Michael was his name and he was hot! I could tell he was older which drew me to him even more.

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